Communication Challenges + Year End Funds

In our last newsletter, we looked at the first two communication challenges identified by Dr. John Gottman: Criticism and Defensiveness. Now, let’s look at the third and fourth: Stonewalling and Contempt and what leaders can do differently.

3. Stonewalling → Replace with a Purposeful Pause

When emotions run high, some people withdraw, shut down, or avoid the conversation altogether. Taking space can be healthy, but leaving the other person without clarity can create more frustration.

Instead of saying:

Nothing at all—or simply walking away.

Try:

I'd like to continue this conversation, but I need a little time to gather my thoughts. Can we come back to it on Thursday?

A thoughtful pause isn't avoidance. It gives everyone a chance to reset and return to the conversation with more clarity and intention.

4. Contempt/Sarcasm → Build Appreciation

Contempt can start subtly—with sarcasm, eye-rolling, dismissive comments, or making someone feel small. When these behaviors become a pattern, they can damage trust and make it harder for people to work together.

Instead of saying:

Oh, that was brilliant (when someone makes a mistake).

Try:

I know we're all working toward the same goal. Can we figure out a better approach together?

And the most toxic of them all? Contempt! Sometimes we can get proud of our sarcastic, witty comments. But they destroy trust and psychological safety.

Good leaders look for chances to recognize strengths, celebrate progress, and express real appreciation. That kind of respect is what makes people feel safe sharing ideas and taking risks.

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Helping Leaders Handle These Challenges

Leaders run into these challenges constantly, and most don't have anyone to check in with. So they do what they think is best and move on. But there are ways to support them—and by extension, the whole organization. That support should be:

• Grounded in neuroscience and emotional intelligence

• Informed by systems thinking and current research

• Tied to real scenarios your leaders actually face

• Backed by a professional coach

If you have funds left as the fiscal year closes, this is a good place to put them. Investing in your people—including the ones who seem like they're already doing fine—is what keeps an organization running at full capacity.

Click below to talk about how we can help.

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